Trying to make it all make sense....

So today especially I have been thinking about the 1st step. I will post here the AA 1st step just so incase you don't know what it is will know what is says. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. I HATE to admit when I am powerless because it implies that I need help. I am supposed to be strong and not need help. I should be able to handle everything and not ask for help. Lately I have seen how much my life is unmanageable and it scares me because I like to think everything is in control and things are ok. You can ask my friends I usually tell them life is great and everything is ok. I am just struggling more and don't want to admit that its at the point that possibly I need more help.....