Just a little update in my world

Life is still awesome despite being pretty sick. I ended up having a reaction to the iv iron and so I couldn't get it. Then I had a reaction to the oral iron too and they told me today not to take it. I go in next monday and we will decide from there if the blood transfusion would be the next step or what will happen. I had a kidney infection and am still not feeling well. Paul is home and I have spent some time with him and he wants to get married.... so stayed tuned for the latest there. Anyways Life is still awesome despite being sick.

Life is awesome

You know lately I've discovered how awesome life is despite the challenges that come up. So today I hit my 11 months clean and sober mark. Wow one month short of a year which is totally awesome!!!!! A few months ago I didn't think that this was possible. So update from yesterday is I have to go Monday morning and have yet more blood work. My blood counts and levels are way off. I also have to have iv iron and some other crap done on Monday which means a total of possibly 3 hours at the dr's office (2 of those spent hooked to an iv). I'm grateful because a few months ago I don't think that I could have handled being hooked up to an iv for that long since I used to use drugs by shooting up. I am grateful for the knowledge that God won't give me more than I can handle and when I think I'm at my witts end that he still provides a way for me to make it through.

You never know where life will lead

It's been a funny day. I've been at my parents since yesterday because of the snow. I have an appt tomorrow with a blood specialist to see why my blood counts and levels are all off. I'm hoping that things are ok and that nothing more will be needed but according to my last blood levels for iron they are way off. They are talking about an iv to up my iron and other stuff. I am turning this over to the Lord because that's all I can do.

Snow....Snow...and more Snow.....

YUCK so for the past week we have had major snow...... and it looks as if tomorrow there will no school which kind of sucks cause I made the ROCK group a treat bag for Valentines day but hey I can give them to them next week. I've had a ton of time to do thinking the last few days and I'm so excited for Paul to come home from Flordia.... It's been a long long 6 weeks. It's funny how my mom asked about how I felt about Paul and if I thought there was a future together. A few months ago NO I didn't feel or think that there would be a future with him but he has changed a lot since September and those feelings have resurfaced of love for him and I can't wait to do more when he gets back. He comes home Valentines day which is exciting because I didn't think he was coming back until the 17th. It will be great to see him and he says he has something to ask me when he gets home. Who knows..... Life is funny. So my offical countdown is 3 days until Friday which means I will have 11 months sober and clean. This has been the hardest time of my life but the most fullfilling time too. I've learned so much and continue to learn as time goes by. If even a couple months ago if you would have asked me if soberity was worth it I would have laughed and said heck no but one thing I have learned is how worth it is. I've gained so much in recovery. The biggest thing that I have gotten is the trust of my family and friends. I mean look at the stuff I am attempting to do that a year ago who would have though was possible. I successfully helped run a daycamp (and am going to do it again this summer), I am in the process of learning to be an awesome youth leader, I have some more self confidence and am working on building it, and I could list more and more but that is getting into pride (one of the things I am learning to let go of). My relationship with God has really changed this year too....... I am so grateful for those small blessings in my life that he gives me daily. I overheard this last night at the AA meeting I was at. We were talking about Step 2 which is Came to believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity. I hear one guy asked did you wake up this morning and another guy answered yeah i did. The first guy said there's your proof that there is a power that is greater than yourself....... Really made me think and I agree every morning when I wake up there is something that provokes me to get up and live a life (a life now that I am grateful of to call a life and share with others).

Wow it's been a little over a month since I did an update

Hey sorry it's been a very busy and stressful few weeks but I'm still here. Lets see New Years came and went by fast. Paul went to FL and is due to come home in 8 days. I really can't wait to see him. I still do love him and hope we can work on having a relationship and that who knows maybe more. He makes me smile and laugh and just really boasts me up emotionally lately when I talked to him. Rock group is back and is a lot of fun. I really enjoy each of the kids (even the ones I struggle with). I couldn't have my dental surgery due to my iron being way too low but we are working on that and hopefully mid april or late april I will have them taken care of and new teeth in june. In 6 days it will be 11 months since I started on my journey to finally get rid of stuff and it's a struggle to this day not to run at times but what I have gone through and continue to go through refines me into the person God wants me to be. Life is awesome!!!!!